I must admit... Many of the principles discussed in The Art of Possibility are concepts I completely believe in and have used as guides during my life. In fact, at times while reading it I have wondered if there was a point to continuing (The irony does not escape me). While reading, I have had a lot of 'of course' and 'naturally' moments.
And then it happened... Epiphany!
I have two sons (Drayton 5 and Dalton 3) who I love with all my heart. Lately, my oldest son and I have started developing a bit of a contentious relationship. He seems to challenge me at every turn. Of course, I, having a tendency to be too authoritarian, haven't budged. In fact, I have often responded by increasing disciplinary action, rules, and restrictions. Often he has left me shaking my head wondering why he is so stubborn and uncooperative, wondering why he seems reluctant to submit and bend to my will.
Well, I am humbled to admit that chapters 6 and 7 hit me like a ton of bricks. When dealing with my son, I am letting my calculating self rule the day. Instead of accepting the fact that much of his behavior is simply a result of being 5 and being a product of his stubborn and often uncooperative father, I have been attributing it to flaws or deficiencies in him. Do not get me wrong. I understand he still needs guidance and, at times, a firm hand, but I need to understand that he is five and he, although he seemingly has inherited some of my traits, is his own unique perfect person. I have to be a more accepting guide as I help him figure out this path called life. I love him and I need to look at changing my approach to fatherhood as opposed to attempting to force change upon him.
By the way, it was also humbling that my arrogant 'I already know this so why should I read this' attitude that I expressed earlier was also put in it's place. Gee, was I possibly just rationalizing reasons not to do the work? And shockingly reading led to learning. Who could have guessed?
Here is a video that Drayton shared with me that reminds me of all of this. It's about 'The Way Things Are.' After all, we have to let a 5 year old be a 5 year old and a duck be a duck.
Maybe he's been trying to teach ME something.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Week 3-Rule Number 6
12:56 PM
Matthew E. Park
2 comments:
Oh that was a really great story you shared! I loved the lil duck song! How hilarious is that! I think sometimes I get frustrated too with my hubby because he is all too often just in his own world and can get pretty crazy sometimes with his wild ideas and thoughts. And I think back to why I initially started dating him and those were the exact same things that attracted me to him. So I just have to let him be him and not be so annoyed. Haha! This book has really helped me to stop and think about all I have is awesome. Oh and to definitely don't take yourself so damn serious. ;)
Matthew,
I too have seen this in myself, and I should know better. My kids are 23 (and married), 20 and 12. The 12 year old is energetic, has great leadership qualities and can be very stubborn! So often I approach her and the situation with my calculating self instead of looking at the “We” story and looking for the possibility in the situation. It’s amazing how quickly our view changes to self direction. It sounded to my like the Zanders took time to change their perspective and that they often needed each other to remind themselves to seek the possibility.
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